December 5, 2008

An Unhealthy State

I read this morning that Tennessee is ranked among the five unhealthiest states for the fifth consecutive year in an annual report. From the AP:

The United Health Foundation ranked Tennessee No. 47 in its 19th annual America's Health Rankings released Wednesday. The state dropped one slot from last year's rank of No. 46. Louisiana, Mississippi and South Carolina are behind Tennessee. Vermont tops the list for the second year. The rankings are based on factors including smoking, obesity, high school graduation rates and the environment.

I would like to take a bow for personally contributing to this ranking. I started my period yesterday & quite possibly ate enough to not have to eat again until Monday. Here's the breakdown:

Breakfast: Quaker Naturals Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal. Good start, right? Wrong. Keep reading.

2nd Breakfast: 1 glazed donut covered in green & white icing with red sprinkles. Also, and this was an added bonus, it was filled with cream.

Lunch: Pasta left-overs. This actually wasn't that bad. It was whole wheat penne with chicken sausage, sun-dried tomatoes & mushrooms. Finished it off with a sugar free banana fudge sundae jello pudding cup.

3:00pm: Snickers bar. (I don't even like Snickers bars. No idea why I ate this.)

3:30pm: Left work due to an angry uterus & an insatiable need to put on yoga pants & lay on the couch.

4:00pm: Ate entire bag of popcorn. Skipped over the low-fat snack size Kettle Korn & opted for the full size Movie Theatre variety.

4:15pm: Needed sugar to balance out the salt. Ate Little Debbie Star Crunch. Slipped into TiVo watching/digestive coma until about 6:30pm when John came home.

6:30pm: Assuredly low on iron & craving meat, sent John to Sonic. Had cheeseburger & cheese tater tots. Would have liked chocolate shake to wash it down, but restrained out of fear for waking up diabetic today.

Also worth noting, I was asleep by 8:30pm. Like a bear, my body needed the 9+ hours to digest. But I did wake up this morning & go to Sculpt class. That counts for something, right?

Lastly, for those of you who complain about your period every month, take heed, because this is what happens when you go 4 months without one. You turn into a big, bloated bear lashing out at everyone & eating like you're going into hibernation.


Aaron said...

I believe the land now known as Tennessee was created to be a hypnosis-based fat camp in the 80's. However at some point the fatties revolted and re-wrote their own version of history (which included such awful things as slavery, oppression, and bombs so as to create a non-utopian backdrop in order to explain life's imperfection and the need to escape reality by eating), and then they went around recruiting fatties like Jerry Falwell, Rosie O'Donnell, and the guy who played Carl Winslow on Family Matters to go on TV and hypnotize the whole world into believing the story. Once that was complete, the fatties all had a huge dinner, dessert, and then hypnotized each other into believing their version of history. Fortunately I hid in the pantry and I avoided hypnosis (and enjoyed many Oreos). I still carry the burden brought on by the knowledge of this little-known conspiracy, as well as an inescapable genetic need for Fudge Rounds and soda.

Emotional Mullet said...

*wiping tears from my eyes*


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