July 14, 2012

The Day I Met Dan Auerbach

I don't know how to act around famous people, which was proven yet again when I ran into Dan Auerbach this morning.  Allow me to set the scene.  Rewind 4 hours.  I'm coaching a Potato To Tomato training run at Shelby Bottoms.  In the rain.  Heidi & I do our first training ride (5 miles).  In the rain.  Then we go to Barista Parlor, soaked from head to toe.

A few weeks ago, Dan Auerbach was at the same place I was for lunch, but I didn't notice him.  So I've spent the past 2-ish weeks rehearsing what I would have said had I seen him.  I honestly didn't think I'd actually ever run into him, but this morning I totes did & when opportunity knocks, you open the fucking door.

So I'm sitting at Barista with Heidi & Andy & we've been there awhile.  We're actually about to leave, but it's a monsoon outside so we're waiting on it to let up, now that we're somewhat dry.  In walks Dan Auerbach.  I don't even know that I saw him so much as some internal signal alerting me to his presence commandeered my muscular system & turned my head in his direction.  At which point, I whisper-shout, "OHMYGODITSDANAUERBACH!"

Having spent the last few weeks rehearsing this very scenario, I spring into action.  I grab my purse, open my wallet & take out one of John's business cards.  I take my empty coffee mug, pretend to put sugar & cream in it & then casually walk past him, back to my seat.  As I pass him, I stop & say, "Hey, I'm Kim & I'm going to do something totally inappropriate & give you my husband's business card.  He's a mastering engineer."

Dan:  Oh, cool, thanks.  (Looks at card)  Oh!  I actually have this guy's card.  He's been in my studio.

Kim:  Yeah, I think he has.  Cool!  Well, who do you guys use for mastering?

Dan:  We use a good friend of ours back in Columbus, Ohio - Brian Lucey at Magic Garden.

Kim:  Of course you do.  10-4.  Well, if you ever need someone local, my husband is awesome.  Thanks!  Love your music!  HUGE fan!

Dan:  Thanks.

Then we leave & I get in the car, see myself & realize how batshit crazy I look.  Also, I had had so much coffee that I was virtually vibrating.  A slow chill makes its way through my body as I realize that Mr. Auerbach & I probably have completely different versions of what just went down.  The scenario described above is how I remember it, but this is probably what actually happened:


Dan:  Hi....  (DANGER!  DANGER!  Are those snake eyes on her fingers?  What's her sweatshirt say, East Nasty?)


Dan:  Thank you!  But I already have that card.  (Please don't hurt me.  Did she just fill an empty coffee cup with cream & sugar water?  Should I give her money?  Is she selling one of those papers?)


Dan:  Great, thanks!  (Please go away; please go away.)

Kim:  (Crazy awkward, unnatural smile!  ALL TEETH!)

And...  scene.

Dan, if you're reading this, & why wouldn't you be, I'm sorry for scaring you.  I was just excited, over-caffeinated & had been outside in the rain for 3 hours.  I'm usually fairly normal.  And I promise to leave you alone if you do ever hire my husband to master your album, which you should, by the way.



Mary Katherine said...

LOVE THIS! And I'm sure you were fine. I would've been a bumbling idiot and would not have had a legitimate reason for approaching him.

The Blonde Mule said...

MK - ha, thanks! I don't know about "legitimate reason" so much as bound & determined.

ND said...

Excellent post. Gracias.

The Blonde Mule said...

Nichole - ha, thanks!


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