November 18, 2009

Happy Or Complacent?

Anyone who knows me, knows that I struggle with my weight. I'm awesome at losing weight, but I suck at keeping it off. My most recent weight loss success was when I joined Weight Watchers & lost 20 lbs. I've since gained at least 10 lbs of it back, if not more (I'm currently not weighing myself). At some point in the past year, I decided to quit trying so hard. I'm a healthy size 12, sometimes a 14, depending on the brand. The average American woman is a size 12. I'm average, especially in Tennessee. If you follow me on Twitter, you're well aware of how much I work-out. In fact, I've stopped tweeting my work-outs because I've realized that it throws people off, they see me & wonder how someone who works out so much can still be overweight. Good question... I don't really know why I'm overweight, aside from the fact that I clearly eat more than I burn off.

I really thought I was fine with my size. Yes, I'd love to be a size 10 again, but I don't want to do the work being a size 10 entails. I'd rather eat what I want, work-out when I can & be happy in a size 12 (or 14). All of this changed over the weekend. All of a sudden, I was all too aware of how not-average being a size 12 is in NYC. The store we went to first, UniQlo, has the best jeans that everyone on the planet raves about. I went to grab a pair, only to find out that their sizes pretty much stop at 10. I shockingly found a pair of 14's & tried them on. I couldn't even get them on, they were so tight. I felt like the fattest person on the island.

I resolved to get back in shape once I got home. Maybe I'd re-join Weight Watchers. That worked. But now, a mere 3 days later, I've already talked myself out of it. What I want to know is, am I being complacent or am I being healthy by accepting myself at this size?

2 comments:

jessica said...

why don't we talk about it over margaritas....

chester copperpot said...

i think the weight issue is one of those things that we're never going to be satisfied with. we can decide that we're fine with the way we are and then one event or situation or dressing room makes us second guess everything. is it because we're women? or because of american culture? or because of ridiculous standards of beauty? no idea.
but i don't think that you're being complacent. you sound like you've struck a good balance of exercise and eating what you like and being confident the way that you are. my goal is to be mindful without becoming obsessed. to exercise and aim to eat well but not deny myself indulgence. we aren't all going to achieve "the ideal" and if we spend all of our time focusing on it and trying to achieve it, i think it takes away from the enjoyment of life. and it's really too short for that. anyway, that was really long, but i thought you raised an excellent question, which i contemplate often. i think that you're lovely the way you are. go out into the world and be confident! was that too cheesy? sorta cheesy. ha ha.

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