May 27, 2010


Yesterday I had an IUD put in. Five year birth control, or as I've been saying, 'Baby free until 2015!' At my last yearly appointment, my doctor recommended I get one since I have no immediate interest in childbirth. Plus, a lot of my friends have gone off the pill as they're trying to get pregnant & they've all said how much better you feel once you're off the pill.

I've been on the pill continuously since I was 17. 17! That's 17 years. The pill has worked for me, but I wonder what will change now that I'm no longer taking it. Will I lose weight easier (please, god!); will my PMS decrease; will my mood swings be less severe? Also, and most importantly, all of the scary side effects of being on the pill go away, i.e. stroke, blood clots, etc.

So yesterday was the day. I had to take an antibiotic in the morning, to be super preventive about possible infection. I should have known the day would be bad when I saw the list of possible side effects. My favorites are: 1) hearing voices, 2) hallucinations & 3) heightened suspicion. Heightened suspicion! Fortunately, none of these things happened to me, but I did feel really crappy all morning.

Male readers: stop reading here.

I go to the appointment knowing it wouldn't be a walk in the park. I was told it would be like a pap smear, albeit more uncomfortable. More uncomfortable? Hah! It felt like inverted childbirth. Seriously, it's the most painful thing I've ever gone through. I think I passed out; I definitely screamed. Apparently I have an "unfriendly cervix". Of course I do. I'm in the 1% of people who this is super painful/difficult for. Again, of course I am.

For comedic effect, the regular nurse was out yesterday & the fill-in didn't prep the room correctly, so in the middle of having a piece of plastic forced through my non-compliant cervix & shoved into my agitated uterus, the nurse had to step out to get supplies. Really? REALLY? I thought I was going to die. In hindsight, I wish I had taken someone with me, so I'd A) have someone to corroborate my story & B) have someone to laugh about this with, you know, in a week or two when it's funny.

After what felt like an hour, but was realistically probably only 10 minutes, it was done. My doctor felt so bad. She hugged me & told me she passed out during hers, too. Then she told me that that was just a fraction of how much childbirth hurts. No, thank you!

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