August 16, 2011

Fat, Fatter, Fattest

Disclaimer: this is from a different race, but I included it to show the vast difference striking a pose makes.

Yesterday I saw a picture of myself on Facebook from the race I ran on Saturday. Actually, two pictures, equally horrendous, both of which I had been tagged in & both of which you can see above. I quickly did the math on how long these pictures had been up, how many people had potentially seen them & then untagged myself. Feeling pretty low (& by 'low', I mean fat), I posted this status:

"Whoa. Nothing like seeing a picture of yourself running to realize you need to lose some serious lbs. Like yesterday. Thanks, random (albeit mean) photographer. Sigh..."

As you can probably guess from the whopping 49 entries over there under my label "Weight", this is an on-going issue for me. I wrote a shockingly concise blog post titled Happy or Complacent? in November of 2009 after a recent trip to NYC about whether or not I need to just accept myself at this size & get on with it. Clearly, almost two years later, I still haven't made up my mind. Le sigh...

I've actually felt pretty okay with my weight/size for about a year now. I lost enough weight last Fall to go down a size & have maintained it. I lost a little more when I was unemployed & couldn't afford to eat out. I did that boot camp in May, was feeling totally fine & then I went back to work. I've pretty much gone out to lunch 1,000 times in the past two months & never work-out anymore. It's been too hot to run, so my usual three runs a week have gone down to one, if that. I got bored with my lunchtime work-outs, so I quit going to those. I randomly do a Sculpt class after work, but it's RARE. I have been doing yoga pretty frequently, but it's too soon to see any results from that, if there will even be any. (Do you get results from yoga? I don't know.)

This happens to me once about every two-ish years, I see a picture of myself, freak the eff out, do something drastic, & then about a week later, decide I'd rather stay this size than do the work it takes to get smaller. At my biggest, I was a size 16. I'm a size 12 now. I actually weighed myself (for research purposes) & was surprised to learn that I'm at the exact same weight I was at the end of boot camp. But my body is clearly bigger. It's mind-boggling.

If I still care about this in a week, when the picture of me running is no longer seared into my memory, or yours (you're welcome), here are some things that will assuredly help:

1) Quit eating so damn much
2) Bring your lunch
3) Cease & desist the binge snacking before dinner
4) Get back to running three times a week
5) Do more strength training
6) Don't let anyone else take your picture while in motion.

I'll report back.


Libby said...

Aw, Kim - I think you look fab lady! You're fit & healthy and it shows. Don't get down on yourself, nobody's perfect & we all have things we don't like about our bodies.

I have been slacking on the workouts too - I blame the heat! Let's kick it into gear! We need to hit some classes together.

The Blonde Mule said...

Thanks, Libby! I really need to get back into a routine. I'm so bad at working out after work, but I do like the classes & I like that you & Jolie are there. I just need to suck it up.

ChrissiTinaBallerina said...

OMG, I could've written this! I've been verbally badgering Mike about how I'm out of control, need to get a grip, etc. because I'm hoving around 10lbs heavier than I like to be and just can't make the needle on the scale move, no matter how many times I hit our trail/treadmill! I literally have to eat nothing but eggs, tuna fish, chicken breast and broccoli to see even 3 lbs come off. Mike says I need to say f-it and just be happy that I'm healthy, and that I'm more active and/or smaller than 80% of the population.... um, being compared to obese America doesn't make me feel any better. AHH!

P.S. I thought you looked super cute at lunch last week.

egregg313 said...

I love reading your blog! So truthfully and I think most of us women can relate..its like we are never satisfied with how we look and we spend our lives trying to change ourselves, never accepting ourselves. I am with Libby, I think you look incredible and I give props to you for never giving up on improving your health

ND said...

Ditto, ditto, and ditto. I feel you, we all feel you, but I think that you do a great job of balancing health and life (at least from what I can tell from our internet relationship). I know that they shouldn't be mutually exclusive, so why does it always feel like they are? Keep fighting the good fight.

The Blonde Mule said...

Chrissi: Thanks! YOU look great & I thought you looked super cute at lunch, too. But you always do. What are we going to do with ourselves? Amputate our limbs? Ugh... At least we both have awesome husbands who seem oblivious to our weight-related neuroses.

The Blonde Mule said...

Thanks, Emily! You're sweet!

The Blonde Mule said...

Thanks, Nichole. It is SO HARD! And I'm 35 now, which makes it so much harder. Apparently I left my metabolism behind somewhere around 28. Ugh... Are you running? Let me know if you ever want to run in our hood. We need to swap cell numbers. I'll email you.


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