I spent my formative years in the bowels of lower Antioch, attending Metro's finest, Glencliff Elementary.
**Disclaimer: I only attended Glencliff one year before my parents realized the error of their ways (e.g. the potential Fly Girl track I was on) & lied about our address to get me into a different school district.**
I digress. So the other day I was stuck in horrendous traffic & for whatever reason decided I wanted to listen to The Chronic in its entirety. For those of you who may not share my affinity for early nineties gangsta rap, The Chronic, was Dr Dre's 1992 debut album. As I was listening (& pantomiming gang signs) (in traffic), I realized there are many a lesson to be learned from this fine piece of artistry. I thought I'd put together a little list to help you through your weekend. Without further ado....
Dr. Dre's Guide To A Happy & Healthy Life
Rule # 1: Re: Water Safety -- Always Wear A Life Jacket
"G's up hoes down, if dat bitch can't swim, she bound da drizzound."
Rule #2: Do Onto Others...
"You tryin' to check my homie, you best check yo self, cause when you diss Dre, you diss yourself."
Rule #3: Contraception, aka Protect Yo Junk
"You never know, she could earnin' her man, & learnin' her man, & at the same, burnin' her man"
Rule #4: Gleefully Announce Your Presence, Preferably Via Your Spirit Animal
"Bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay. Doggy Dog's in the m-effin' house..."
Rule #5: A Creative Spelling Of Your Name Will Take You Far
"It's the capital S, oh yes, the fresh N, double O P, D O double G Y D O double G ya see."