One year ago, I completed Ironman 70.3 Augusta, my longest endurance race to date. The race is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and 13.1 mile run = 70.3 miles. It took me 7 hours and 32 minutes. I trained for 7 months, 4 of which with a triathlon coach, and all with a swimming coach. I hated my training by the end, but loved my race, which means I did it right. I still think back on the race as one of the happiest days of my life. I LOVED my race.
Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of my race. It was also the day of both IM 70.3 Augusta and IM 140.6 Chattanooga. Because I had friends competing in both of those races, my Facebook feed was full of race-related posts. Early in the day, I was reflective of my experience and excited for my friends. I monitored them throughout the day, tracking them online and checking Facebook for updates. Again, I was a little reflective, but mostly I was proud of my friends and grateful to the spectators for keeping us updated.
At some point early in the evening, my feeling a "little reflective" turned into feeling a little sad. I started seeing finish line pictures from Augusta and it made me cry. Was I crying because I was proud, sad, or bored from being home on the couch? Did I feel left out because everyone was doing something I wasn't? Did I regret that I wasn't out there racing? When I opted not to do IM 70.3 Chattanooga, I didn't feel anything except glad I wasn't there. What was different about yesterday?
This post isn't for anyone who raced yesterday. I am so fucking proud of all of you that I can hardly stand it. This post is for anyone who did a really big thing once that they got a lot of attention for, and then never did again. Now when other people do that really big thing, you feel kind of weird. And you feel super shitty for feeling weird.
I am genuinely not interested in doing a 140.6 mile race. And as I sit today, I am not interested in doing another 70.3 mile race. I still love a half marathon and sprint-distance triathlon, but that's it for me.
I think yesterday felt like an expiration date, that I have to quit talking about my race now and that makes me sad. I remember on my one-year wedding anniversary feeling like I had to take my wedding pictures down from Facebook, that the time to talk about my wedding had passed. Maybe I need to give myself permission to keep talking about that big thing I did that I'm really proud of. Man, I hope that's it because if I'm just a victim of FOMO, I'm going to feel so lame.