Book Review: Fifty Shades Of Grey

Disclaimer:  neither this book, nor this review are for the faint of heart.  Proceed with caution.  And maybe don't proceed at all if you know me via a familial or professional relationship.

That's right.  I read it.  Oh, shut up.  You know I've been watching Game of Thrones.  It was a natural, inevitable progression.

So I downloaded Fifty Shades Of Grey onto my Kindle to read while flying to & fro NYC last weekend.  I actually slept on the flight there & didn't read anything.  When I got to NYC, my friend said she had read it on her flight.  I told her I had it, but hadn't started it yet.  She said to start it immediately & to be careful around the 20% mark because that's when it really gets going.

I had A LOT of time to kill on Sunday between returning the rental car, waiting on flights, etc., so I started reading it.  It's a slow starter, but I'm a fast reader & I hit 20% in no time.  I'm reading, reading, reading, watching the Kindle percentage slowly creep up, waiting on stuff to happen & then, like I had been warned, I hit 20% & there it is.  And there it stays for the remaining 80% of the book.

This should go without saying, but this book is not for the faint of heart.  Danielle Steele, it ain't.  Fifty Shades Of Grey is like if American Psycho & The Flame and the Flower had a baby.  And then that baby came out wearing a leather mask with a mouth zipper.

In typical fashion, I did my research AFTER reading the book.  I did not know that this book/trilogy was originally developed as Twilight fanfiction & titled Master of the Universe.  The books were released as e-books & relied on blogs & word of mouth for publicity.  As you know if you've been on Facebook, or watching morning news programs, these books quickly went viral.  So much so, that Vintage Books picked up the license & re-released the books in a new & revised edition in April 2012. And here we are.

The reviews are all across the board, although all agree on how bad the prose is.  And it is, including numerous grammatical errors.  All of that aside, my main complaint is the heroine's inner dialogue.  Throughout the entire book, she is referring to her "inner goddess" & self conscious, consulting them as the proverbial devil on one shoulder, angel on the other.  It was the most annoying part of the book for me.  Also, & those of you with a uterus can back me up here, in the real world, homegirl would have been suffering from a crippling yeast infection.  Truth.

I don't typically read books like this.  I tend to stick with the classics.  You know, like Harry Potter.  Granted, I'm reading my way through the Sookie Stackhouse series & those are pretty risque, but nothing like this.  For those of you who don't know, as I didn't, Shades isn't just sex.  It's BDSM, a term I was unfamiliar with.  According to Wikipedia, it is a form of personal relationship involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation & fantasy power role play.  Um, yeah, it's intense.

As I'm sure you've heard, this book is referred to as "mommy porn".  My friend & I discussed this & the sheer horror we'd experience if our mothers read this book.  I'm obviously aware that I didn't come into being via immaculate conception, but the thought of my mom reading/enjoying this book is mortifying.  In fact, just knowing that she'll read this post is uncomfortable (sorry, Mom!).

Now, all of this being said, I liked this book.  I know, I know.  I've been telling everyone all week, "It's the worst book I've ever read & I couldn't put it down!".  If you're the least bit interested, I say read it.  Live a little.  It's a perfect beach/vacation read.  It's super short.  I read it in two days.  If at all possible, I do recommend reading it on a Kindle though.  Discretion is your friend.

I'll probably read the other two books in the trilogy.  Apparently there are a million of these, just waiting to be published.  I've heard reports varying from 6 - 14 additional books.  Jeez.  I don't know if I'll dedicate that much time to this weird series, but I'll probably read the next two.  I mean, I don't see nothin' wrong with a little...